Friday, May 9, 2014

Hatin' On Mother's Day

I don't like Mother's Day. 

I know..it sounds so mean to say it out loud! Or write it publicly, but really, I'm not a fan. 

At all.

That doesn't mean I don't like my mother, or being a mother, or seeing other mothers get flowers and attention. I'm not bitter or resentful, and I've got a husband who can pretty much rock any holiday - even the pathetic, Hallmarky ones - without trying. I'm also definitely not arguing, as so many Catholics do around St. Valentine's Day (though these same Catholics adore Mother's Day with a passion) that my motherhood should be celebrated everyday, shouldn't need a special day of overblown theatrics. I love that stuff, in general; setting aside special days to honor aspects of life: love, romance, motherhood..is an essential part of our humanity.


 I don't like Mother's Day because its fake.  It's a commercially created and socially enforced lie to women that her value comes primarily through her ability to birth; that her vocation as a mother is 'the hardest job in the world;' and that because of all this she is owed the veneration, affection, and affirmation of not only her family, but society at large. 

I hate feeling owed. I hate having my motherhood relegated to a "job" - it's banal, it's ugly, is de-relational. And above all that. I feel as though celebrating motherhood, in a society that celebrates no other aspect of womanhood and permits a mother to kill her children without a second thought, is sort of a joke. A sad, self-absorbed, depressing little joke. What aspect of motherhood does mother's day focus on anyway? Generally, it focuses on entitlement. "You deserve it..because your a mom." Lovely. And not at all the sort of attitude I want to indulge in, or pass down to my daughter.

Do I sound too harsh? I hope not..I want a celebration of motherhood, but one that celebrates motherhood in it's place among womanhood's other roles and blessings. I'd like to see Mother's Day drift and spread out into something almost pagan, something Marian, something holistic..we are not a Catholic culture, and I don't expect to change that, but within the Church, why can't we honor the many faces of the Theotokos: virgin, mother, consort/spouse, lamenting one, and wise old woman of Ephesus - Queen of Apostles..why can't we take on May Day again on the first, or the feast of her Queenship on the last of May..and use the day to honor the women in our lives who bear God to us - however they do so.

I'm not asking you to stop celebrating..really I'm not. But do try to celebrate well.

 Don't let your Mother's Day turn into a secular, self-congratulatory celebration of the world'sview of motherhood..instead celebrate the 'genius of women' - the little icon of the Mother of Christ we all have within ourselves. Celebrate the women who have mothered you as well as the women who have never borne children: the Paraskevas, the Theresas, the Magdelenes, and those still waiting to be born anew. The world tells us they have no value, that there is no point in honoring the woman-not-a-mother..she has no day, no cards, no flowers. But Christ tells us otherwise, and this Mother's Day, while I may go to brunch at the local cafe, and I'll definitely be calling my mother, I'll also be planning ways to honor the other women in my life, tucking their names up behind my Icons and honoring their lives as I'm able. Please join me?

4 comments:

  1. Love it, but I'm gonna keep my comments contained so they can come out in my blog reply!

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  2. I'm still not sure what my blog post will look like, so--comments! :) First, as one of those non-mothers, I felt totally affirmed by what you just said. <3

    Second,

    setting aside special days to honor aspects of life: love, romance, motherhood..is an essential part of our humanity

    I like that, even as I am still kind of with Anne Lamott on Valentine's Day as well as Mother's Day, and on the importance of the celebration being available to all (it's the "ordinary" in her last line that gives me pause.)

    Third,

    I want a celebration of motherhood, but one that celebrates motherhood in it's place among womanhood's other roles and blessings. I'd like to see Mother's Day drift and spread out into something almost pagan, something Marian, something holistic... within the Church, why can't we honor the many faces of the Theotokos: virgin, mother, consort/spouse, lamenting one, and wise old woman of Ephesus - Queen of Apostles

    I like this, too. One of the things I'm struggling with in trying to write my own post is that my concept of gender, which was shaped in extremely (and I use that word with full weight) traditional form, just got blown apart. You and Seth have managed to hold onto ideas of masculinity and femininity that aren't restrictive, that allow for more thorough crossover of beauty/feeling and strength/activity. I admire that so much. Right now, I can't quite piece together my imagery, so I'm not sure how to celebrate womanhood or femininity, exactly, but I'm very interested in your example. And yours, too, Christie. :)

    Now, to see if I can write this post amid university orientation, housecleaning, cantoring at Mass, making up for missed piano practice, gardening, calling a friend, and whatever else today wants to throw at me....

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    Replies
    1. "First, as one of those non-mothers, I felt totally affirmed by what you just said. <3"

      GOOD! :) <3

      "(it's the "ordinary" in her last line that gives me pause.)"

      Ordinaryness is sort of boring and not fun at all!

      "One of the things I'm struggling with in trying to write my own post is that my concept of gender, which was shaped in extremely (and I use that word with full weight) traditional form, just got blown apart. You and Seth have managed to hold onto ideas of masculinity and femininity that aren't restrictive, that allow for more thorough crossover of beauty/feeling and strength/activity. I admire that so much."

      THANKS! I'm so glad our ..umm..gendered-ness?..is admirable! And I can totally image how, having your image of gender and sexuality shaped in such an extreme way would make is so hard to find a place for yourself that isn't either restrictive or undefined..I wish I could say more on this, because you've got me thinking, but right now my thoughts all muddled..I can't wait to read your post though!! :)

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    2. I'm not entirely sure of my idea of gender any more. I feel how I'm fundamentally different from John, but the words I've found to explain it have been challenged to great effect. (Still writing a response to Seth, in the form a new post altogether!) Part of my difficulty, I think, is that I'm a symbolic person, and I want to make absolute truths of those symbols . . . but it's not so clean-cut as all that!

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